It’s hard to imagine that a happy, loving marriage could suddenly turn into a loveless one. But it happens more often than you might think. In fact, about 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and many of those are due to a lack of love. So how can you tell if your marriage is one of those that’s heading for trouble?
It’s hard to know when you’re in a loveless marriage. The signs are often subtle and easy to ignore. After all, most of us want to believe that our marriage is happy and fulfilling. We don’t want to face the reality that we might be stuck in a dead-end relationship.
But if you’re starting to feel like your marriage is more of a burden than a blessing, it’s important to take notice.
Here are 21 signs that you may be in a loveless marriage:
1. You no longer have anything in common
When you first got married, you probably had a lot in common. You enjoyed doing many of the same things and shared similar values and goals. But over time, those things may have changed. And now, you find that you have nothing in common with your spouse. The things you used to enjoy doing together no longer hold any interest for either of you.
2. You don’t communicate with each other
According to Amy, the relationship between couples who are in love strives for communication. They talk about their day, thoughts, and feelings with each other but when there isn’t any feeling left behind it creates a void within the marriage leading to lovelessness where you no longer take time out of your busy schedule.
3. You’re always arguing
In a healthy marriage, couples have disagreements from time to time. But even during arguments, there is a sense of mutual respect and understanding. In a loveless marriage, however, arguments are more common and they’re often more heated and less productive. There is little to no respect between spouses, and every disagreement turns into a full-blown argument.
4. You’re living separate lives
In a happy marriage, couples typically do things together. They might take walks, go out to eat, or watch movies together. But in a loveless marriage, spouses often start to live separate lives. They no longer want to do things together and they may even start to keep secrets from each other. This can be especially damaging if one spouse starts to see someone else on the side.
5. You have different interests
It’s not uncommon for couples to have different interests. And in many cases, it can actually be a good thing—giving you both the opportunity to pursue your hobbies and activities without feeling like one person is always doing all of them (which might lead their partner to feel neglected or abandoned). But when there isn’t love between two people who are married…well let’s just say any differences could cause some serious resentment!
6. You don’t have sex anymore
Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. It’s a way to physically express your love for each other. But in a loveless marriage, sex often becomes less frequent or even non-existent. This can be due to a variety of factors, such as work schedules, children, or simply not being attracted to each other anymore.
7. You don’t touch each other
In addition to having sex, couples in love also enjoy touching and being close to each other. They might hold hands, cuddle, or simply hug each other. But in a loveless marriage, even this simple physical contact often disappears. Spouses may go days or even weeks without ever touching each other.
8. You don’t say “I love you”
Love is an important thing in a relationship, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like there’s any left. If you don’t say those three little words often enough or when they count – then people might eventually stop believing that love exists at all between your couple.
Saying “I Love You” can be one of the most significant gestures for strengthening relationships with others-especially if we mean what we say! However saying these phrases takes effort from both partners; some couples find themselves feeling too busy (or even scared).
9. You don’t spend time together
When couples are in love, they want to be around each other as much as possible. They make time for date nights, weekend getaways, and even just spending time at home together. But in a loveless marriage, couples often start to go their separate ways. They may not make plans to spend time together and they may start leading completely independent lives.
10. You keep score
When a couple is in an unhappy marriage, they may start to keep score of who did more or contributed better. This can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness which could eventually destroy the relationship completely.
11. You’re always comparing your spouse to others
In a relationship where love is missing, one person may constantly be comparing their partner to other people. They will find fault for the comparison and see how superior that person seems when compared to his/her spouse or lover instead of focusing on what they have going with him at home.
12. You’re always critical
In a loveless marriage, spouses may start to nitpick at each other and find anything and everything to be critical about. They might criticize their partner’s appearance, their job, their friends, or anything else they can think of. This constant criticism can be very damaging to a relationship.
13. You don’t have each other’s backs
In a happy and healthy relationship, couples are usually each other’s biggest supporters. They’re there for one another through thick and thin – but not always in loveless marriages! Spouses may start to withdraw their support when they don’t feel loved by their partners anymore.
14. You no longer feel affectionate towards your spouse
When you’re in love, you can’t help but feel affectionate toward your spouse. You want to be near them, touch them and show them how much you care. But when the love is gone, so is the affection. You no longer have any desire to be close to your spouse or show them any physical affection.
15. Your spouse seems more like a roommate than a lover
When you’re in love, your spouse is your lover, best friend, and partner all rolled into one. When love begins fading away they become nothing more than a roommate. You co-exist with each other but there’s no real connection or intimacy.
16. You keep secrets from each other
Love is a beautiful thing. It brings people together and creates this amazing feeling of connection that cannot be matched by anything else in life, but when the love ends…well let’s just say it doesn’t take long for all those secrets to add up! You begin keeping things from your partner because you know they will never approve (or worse yet – find out!) And while infidelity may not always lead relationships down dark paths like councils divorce etcetera; one can only imagine how difficult maintaining peaceful coexistence might become if both partners are lying constantly about everything.
17. You don’t trust each other
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When you love someone, it’s hard not to trust them in return; but when that feeling fades away there can be some difficulty maintaining the level or depth of your feelings for one another because now uncertainty and fear seem more prominent than confidence and faithfulness do on both sides. This leads many people into questioning each other’s motives which eventually could lead to feelings like jealousy or insecurity- two common emotions during times when couples’ relationships might need some work done.
18. You find yourself flirting with other people, even though you’re not interested in having an affair
One of the most common signs that a marriage is in trouble is when one or both partners start flirting with other people. It’s easy to do when the love and spark are gone from your marriage. You may not be interested in having an affair, but the attention from someone else feels good. And it’s a way to let your spouse know that you’re still attractive and desirable.
19. You fantasize about being with someone else
When you’re stuck in a loveless marriage, it’s only natural to fantasize about being with someone else. Someone who will love you and appreciate you. Someone who will make you feel special and wanted. Fantasizing about being with someone else is a way to escape the pain of being in a loveless marriage.
20. You can’t remember why you got married in the first place
This is a common sign that the love is gone from your marriage. When you can’t remember why you got married in the first place, it’s a sure sign that something is wrong. Maybe you got married for the wrong reasons or maybe you’ve just grown apart over the years. Either way, when you can’t remember why you got married, it’s a good indicator that the love is gone.
21. You’re always walking on eggshells
You may have found yourself walking on eggshells more often than you think. You’re always worried about what will happen when your spouse gets angry, and it’s a common reality in many loveless marriages—worrying that one wrong word can lead to an argument.
It can be hard to admit that your marriage is in trouble. But if you’re experiencing any of the signs we’ve talked about, it may be time to face the facts. The love may be gone from your marriage and it’s time to do something about it. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Seek help from a professional or talk to your spouse about getting some help. There’s still hope for your marriage, but you have to take the first step.